Have you ever found yourself in a conversation with someone who talks about themselves all the time? It drives people away!
Well, a coaching friend of mine, Jayne Warrilow, had a blog post last week, entitled, ”No More Selfies” that really made me stop and think. How much was I using “I” stories (I did this and I did that) with others?
My body was telling me that I might be getting my “me’s” and “I’s” too involved! It certainly did not feel as good as when I focused on being curious with others about themselves and their work.
Actually there is research showing that the more outward looking you are, the happier you’ll be. It seems that introspective, self-absorbed people are not very happy, and are often sleep inducing bores!
Here is what Jayne suggests to combat too much “me-ism”:
- Monitor your own conversations.
- Ask questions and REALLY listen.
- Take an interest in others and a lot less in yourself.
What are you doing to balance the time you spend talking about “I” vs. “you”?
Below is Jayne’s whole article:
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No More Selfies!
By Jayne Warrilow
Watch your thoughts, they become words.
Watch your words, they become actions.
Watch your actions, they become habits.
Watch your habits, they become character.
Watch your character it becomes your destiny”
– Arabian Proverb
How much do you talk about yourself?
Do you find yourself having monologues as other people stare into space?
Do you even notice?
I know I’m being a little harsh here, and maybe it’s just me.
I’ve just got back from a networking event where I was surrounded by the most selfie obsessed people I’ve ever met and the worse thing is – I’m not sure they even realize.
And they were so unhappy.
And research backs this up – the more outward looking you are, the happier you’ll be.
Introspective, self-absorbed people are not very happy, and are often sleep inducing bores.
We have to face the stark reality that if we talk about ourselves all the time, it drives people away.
People aren’t interested. They really aren’t.
They are interested in themselves.
(And here I am wittering away to you… so enough about me over to you)
Monitor your own conversations – when you are chatting to your nearest and dearest how much do you talk about yourself?
How often do the words “I”, “me” and “myself” crop up?
Don’t let your life become one long selfie.
And there’s no judgement here; it’s not that this is bad – it just severely limits your ability to connect.
Talk about yourself less and try to get through a whole week of chit chat without once telling anybody or anything about what you have done or are doing or are thinking or feeling.
Talk to other people.
Ask them questions and listen to their answers.
Ask them more questions.
Take an interest in everybody else and a lot less interest in yourself.
When you’ve managed it for one week, try it for a second, then a third and maybe even a fourth.
It only takes a month to change the habits of a lifetime.
Now you get to decide which creates more resonance…
With love and resonance,
Jayne
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