Here are things I often hear at the end of the school year when people are transitioning to “new chapters” of their lives:
“I don’t want a retirement party. I just want to quietly leave.” Or… ”I’m not retiring, I’m just moving on to a new job. So I don’t want any fuss made.”
They don’t want “fusses.” They don’t want “fanfare.” Maybe they are even afraid of how they will handle the emotions of saying goodbye in a public way.
But I always tell my clients that retirement or going-away parties aren’t really for them. They are for the people staying.
William Bridges talks about the importance of good endings. It’s often hard for people to move on smoothly if there isn’t some way to celebrate and honor what has been before. Honoring the past — marking the good times and the bad — helps people remember what was meaningful and learn from the struggles.
I tell my clients that if you are afraid things will get too emotional for you, then arrange for the celebration to be a “roast.” Then the tears that come will be tears of laughter.
And if deep emotion unexpectedly wells up inside anyway, don’t worry. People will understand and be touched that you care about them as much as they care about you. It’s not a sign of weakness or reason for embarrassment. It’s a sign of caring deeply. Those present will feel honored.
So no matter what happens, good endings give people the opportunity to reflect and distill what is important to remember and what to let go. It makes it easier for everyone to step into the promise of the future.
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