How do you change when people around you expect the “old way?” This question comes up frequently in my conversations with school leaders.
Many times a principal new to a school wants to create solutions collaboratively, but his predecessor played the role of chief problem-solver for so long that it has become “the way we do things here.”
Or maybe a participant in one of my workshops wants to try some of the new communication skills she has been learning that are different from her usual habits. Her staff may become confused and give her push-back about her motives.
While the negative reaction to your new behavior may be typical, here are three ideas to help make the transition smoother.
1. Be transparent about WHY you are doing what you do. Then formulate it into a clear message.
Example:
• I value collaborative solutions because I believe together we develop better ideas than if we were each working alone.
• When I am asking questions rather than giving answers, I am trying to help you think deeply about your instruction. That way we both learn a lot more than if I just told you what I know!
2. Ask for help to improve the new skill you are learning.
Brene Brown in her book Daring Greatly says, “Vulnerability is about sharing our feelings and our experiences with people who have earned the right to hear them. Being vulnerable and open is mutual and an integral part of the trust-building process.” (p. 45) Asking staff members to help you become better in developing a new skill shows that you trust them to have your best interests at heart. And in that way, they reciprocate by trusting you more as well.
By asking for help you are modeling that you are a continuous learner of best practices, just as you want each of them to be. So you are building trust within your relationships when you ask for help.
3. Use humor when you make mistakes or things don’t turn out as well as you had planned.
As you practice your new habit or skill you may feel awkward or uncomfortable at times. But giving yourself a gentle “poke” goes a long way in establishing your credibility and sincerity. This helps others understand that you are willing to take some risks to stretch yourself professionally. And when mistakes happen, you see them as “teaching moments” to help you learn how to do things better next time.
It’s never easy being in a vulnerable position, especially when others have different expectations of you. But you establish yourself as a leader with integrity when you stay committed to your own development, and authentic in your responses to others, always assuming their positive intent.
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