“Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.”
~ Rumi
Change begins within …
When I was a superintendent, I would call my husband at the end of a busy workday and say to him, “Hi, hon. I’ve gotta go visit mom (who was in a nursing home). (Big sigh). I’ll see you at 7:30.”
I wanted mom better. I wanted her to be strong and independent again. I did not want the responsibility of “overseeing” her care.
I wanted something to change—others to change.
- “If only mom would get better.”
- “Other family members just need to come visit more often.”
- “The staff at work have got to support me more and step up better when I have to be gone.”
Yes, I knew how to make things better and it all involved others doing things differently.
But what I have learned is that the only person I can really change is me. And that’s where it had to begin…
I didn’t want my visits with mom to sound like obligations to myself or others. I wanted the time I spent with mom to come from a place of caring and love—not resentment.
So I started by thinking about how I could change my language so that I “showed up” for these visits as caring and loving.
That is when I stopped saying, “I’ve gotta go…” and changed it to, “I want to go…”
It didn’t really change the situation. It just changed my attitude about the situation.
AND it invited others into joining me in positive ways rather than feeling coerced or “guilted” into a sense of “obligation.”
It was a small change in language but it made a huge difference in how I showed up to mom—and to others.
What small changes in language can you make that could create big, positive differences for yourself and others?
Sometimes small words can make a big difference. Here is what guest blogger Linda Gross Cheliotes says about that…
Recently I read an article by Theodore Bremer entitled, “Humility: The Lost Art in Leadership.” 
Advice is Toxic! Those are pretty strong words. But often advice can poison a relationship—especially when the advice is not solicited by the other person. Here is an article from a recent issue of the Wall Street Journal that confirms this thinking….
Recently I was talking with a coaching client from a district having budget hearings. He was feeling really beat up and stressed about all the changes swirling around in his school district. And now in order to address serious budget shortfalls, he was having to propose deep cuts in staffing, programs and materials
I have several clients who suffer from brain rats. From time to time I suffer from them too. Those are the messages of self-doubt and inadequacy that creep into our minds, sapping our energy, and destroying our confidence. They make us uncertain, tentative, and scared to act.
New Years’ Resolutions are easy enough to make but hard to keep over time. We begin with commitment and enthusiasm to change a habit that is important to us. But our brains… and our muscles… and our psyches… default to the old patterns very soon! Before we know it, we are back on the old road of complacency and discouragement.
Recently a superintendent friend was complaining about how one school board member harped endlessly about nickel and dime expenses, ignoring the legitimate needs of students and staff. It was driving her crazy! How could she get this school board refocused on what was truly important for education?
Recently I’ve been listening to a lot of music by singer-songwriter-coach Barbara McAfee. Some lyrics I love to reference with my clients are from a song entitled, “Who You Gonna Be?”
